It was about this time that I realized that God sees everything we do, he knows even our thoughts. We can try to hide behind lies, but God knows the truth. As we judge other peoples actions, God gently reminds us of our own mistakes.
I also realized that I must forgive those people who had hurt me. Jesus says in Matthew 6:14 N.I.V. "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive yours.
When I prayed in York, asking Jesus to forgive me, I had no idea how much of a sinner I really was. A sinner was someone who committed murder or stole, who beat up old ladies, or sold drugs to children - not someone like me. Now that Jesus had forgiven me my past indiscretions I would be good. I wouldn't need forgiveness anymore because I wasn't going to do anything wrong.
I have always been able to see everyone's faults and was very good at telling people how wrong they were. But I couldn't see my own faults and failings.
As I started to read the bible I began to understand that I wasn't as good as I had thought. Jesus tells a story in Matthew 7:5 about a man with a plank in his own eye trying to take a splinter out of someone else's eye.
I began to realise that I was like that man. There were loads of things in my life which weren't good - attitudes that were wrong - selfishness, pride, envy, finding it hard to say sorry. Judging others peoples faults whilst completely ignoring my own failings. As The Holy Spirit began to work in me I saw more and more clearly just how much I needed to change.